Who knew?
I had no idea that me writing about my discombobulated thoughts on dating would cause such a hullabaloo. (I feel the need to apologize for that sentence. No idea what’s happening with me right now but those word choices are troubling) I got more feedback from my dating profile post than anything I’ve written in a while. Okay by me but I got a couple of questions that I figured could use some answering here in the content as I operate under the theory that if one person asks there are probably more wondering…
Question: “If you aren’t looking for a relationship then why are you dating?”
Answer: I am looking for a relationship - just one on my terms. I spent more than half of my life being part of a couple and I’m really enjoying singleness. That being said it’s nice to have someone to hang out with now and again. I have friends that I love dearly but most of them are in relationships of their own which makes the scheduled weekly hang problematic. I am also specific about my expectations because I have encountered a disturbing number of single women my age looking for someone to die with… and that is not this guy. By the way, they don’t actually say that but I have come to be very sensitive to the fear of being alone and it’s the opposite of attractive. Shorter answer: shit gets boring sometimes and I like having fun.
Question: “Is it fair that you are dating 2 women at the same time?”
Answer: Nope, not what I’m doing. I couldn’t keep one woman consistently happy and supported so I have no desire to see how badly I can screw up multiple partners. These are first dates and in the case of the one tonight we have only spoken electronically. You can’t gauge attraction behind a keyboard. The face to face meeting is the true test and the odds are slim that any spark will form. I look at these as a challenge to make a new friend and not bullshit. Speaking of bullshit I have had more than one of these show up and look like they were wearing a disguise. The term “recent pictures” has a wide interpretive range. Shorter answer: not doing that ever.
Question: “What do you mean you are still friends with your ex?”
Answer: This is a me personally only answer so don’t get offended if you have a different situation going on… I can’t imagine being friends with someone for decades, having children with them, going through all the things that life deals out over time, and then cutting them completely out of my life. For a big part of my life this was the human I felt closest to on the planet. Promises we made during our early twenties didn’t hold up through our fifties and no matter how much I hate taking a loss and not living up to a vow, it is what it is. I get to choose how I react to my own divorce and I have picked domination. I decided to be the best I can be at this shitty thing that happens all the time. That’s me. So even if my former wife doesn’t feel that way, I do. I can only control me. Shorter answer: I rule divorce.
Question: “How can you LOVE living alone?”
Answer: Wow, that was one I didn’t expect and I don’t have a simple answer. I would guess that first up is therapy. This is one of the best things to come out of my marriage ending. I love talking through my shit. I’ve learned a lot about myself and truthfully most of my troubles are ME based. Next up is I surround myself with things that make me happy. My entire apartment is filled with stuff that has a specific life related purpose or makes me smile. Very little fluff. A good example is my dumb little dining area.
The pictures on the wall are of my Great Grandparents from the Library of Congress. They are being thrown off of their final farm during the Great Depression and figured out how to find joy in being photographed by the big city newspaper. Next up is my cow rug. I’ve consumed so may of the delicious majestic beasts that I find it only fitting to use more of them when I can. Then my Facebook marketplace Mid-Century Modern (I’ve always enjoyed that aesthetic) table and chairs. Don’t really need 2 chairs but it came with them so why waste? And finally that doomed plant.
I talk to all of the plants in my house like a prison warden giving death row inmates an orientation speech. “You are all on borrowed time. How you spend your last days are completely up to you. Bugs of any kind will only hasten your demise” you get the gist. It’s not all negative talk. Once a week I congratulate the survivors on their fortitude.
Wow I got sidetracked there. Shorter answer: I figured it out.