what a ride
Most people aren’t aware but I don’t passenger well. Busses are my enemy and the older I get the more motion sickness seems to be a thing. I have read that it has something to do with thickening of inner ear fluids or some other design flaw but I just know it’s no fun. Those virtual reality rides at amusement parks turn me an unattractive shade of green. I tell you all this as a setup for last night’s Uber ride that turned into a Vomit Comet of sorts.
I got the notification on the app that my driver was deaf so I would need to communicate on the ride via text. PERFECT. I don’t like the star begging chit chat anyway so this will allow me to sit in blissful silence on the ride. Instead I am picked up by what appears to be a UFO and a guy rolling down his window shouting UBER? ME NO ENGLISH. so… not deaf… just he no English… oh well, hopefully still peace and quiet… nope.
Not only did that scrolling reader thing reexplain the fact that he didn’t speak the language but instead of music he was watching some kind of old school music video channel. watching
My camera work was shitty because I was trying to remain stealth as I was being recorded by his dash cam as well. The thing I wanted you to see from this shot was Annie Lennox and her Walking on Broken Glass video. It is cold here and they had some snow so traffic was tough all around. It didn’t help that he was actually WATCHING these videos so more than once we had to slam on the brakes. Then he would see an opening to the right or left and he would floor it. Back and forth left and right cranked 80’s and 90’s music and did I mention the abundant Axe body spray? It was not delightful in any way.
for.
fuck.
sake.
By the time I got to the hotel I needed to stand outside in the cold for twenty minutes to get my head right. I had a couple alarming hot-burps but luckily nothing with volume, velocity, or payload. I just needed a Diet Coke to reset my fuckedup body chemistry. Then I was met with the awful Marriott corporate Pepsi products only policy so I had to wait for Uber Eats to deliver my diet poison of choice. I was still randomly deep breathing until I finally fell asleep.
Rideshare apps are always a crap shoot and I rolled the equivalent of snake eyes.