well that was something...

This morning I decided to push myself on my morning walk. It was a balmy 27 degrees but otherwise lovely. Even when it’s cold my park is dam pretty.

The normal walking route is a little over two miles but I decided to go as long as I could before returning home. I also tried to jog just a bit in short spurts because a couple weeks ago I had to run across an intersection and it was like I’d completely forgotten how. I have never been a runner for a lot of reasons like gravity, swim fin feet, and laziness but not being able to put together a respectable 50 yard jog without seeming like a SPAZ is unacceptable. So I challenged myself to do a couple of those until it felt a bit more natural. (total of three before I declared myself adequate lest you think I actually excelled)

I began to sweat through all of my layers which it would turn out to be a big part of my later troubles and by mile six I had had enough. I feel the need to mention that I had not had a thing to eat or drink by this point which will factor in later. The no water before going is not the norm and I think I just forgot. That route put me with a path home right by my walkable grocery store and my mind had shifter toward food so I would stop and grab a few essentials then head the rest of the way home.

Inside the store it was hot. Uncomfortable hot. I had removed the outer layer and was wearing the sweatshirt like a cape but the two layers beneath that weren’t coming off until I got home. I tried to speed up my shopping but things started to get weird. My brain was having a heat panic. It was finally my turn to self-checkout and my brain was telling me to leave all that crap and get back outside into the cold ASAP. I didn’t listen.

The first time I kind of fainted I went down to a knee and dropped a box I had just scanned. This caused a very nice worker to come over and see if I was okay but I waved him off with some bullshit about a bad knee giving out. (nice to know that my wits, even in distress, can throw up some protective obfuscation) The second time there was nothing I could have said because I was in the middle of paying when the lights went out.

I awoke on the ground with a bunch of people around me inquiring as to my health. My literal nightmare. I am a big fan of this social media dude named Mark Hogben who lives off grid with Parkinson’s. I just like the way he handles his business. If I do ever get sick I hope to have half the fortitude of that man. Anyway, per usual, I digressed…

I looked around at the pile of me on the floor but my vision wasn’t great and quickly realized that my glasses were a little ways away. I scooped them up and as I was putting them on I realized that I hit my head on the way down. There is a lump next to my right eye and if it looks as bad as I think it’s going to I will post a picture at a later date. Luckily when I put the glasses on the crash site was hidden.

I just wanted to get the hell out of there but the store wasn’t having it. Paramedics were already en route (great) and I would have had to plow through the crowd. At least they brought me a chair so I could get off of the floor and once it was apparent that I wouldn’t be dying the crowd dispersed leaving only store personnel.

I won’t bore you with all of the paramedic bullshit but all of the things were right in line. Heart rate, blood pressure, blood glucose, etc. I sat in the back of the ambulance still sweating because I think they use it as some kind of food warmer when they aren’t running calls. I refused transport and had to sign a bunch of shit so no-one was liable if I croaked on my walk home and I was on my way.

Their conclusion was dehydration from the overheating and overexertion but I should still go to the hospital. I just wanted to go home. Fun fact, this is my first lifetime blackout unrelated to alcohol so I did get a new event under my belt. I have friends who have way too much experience with passing out and this little episode has given me a whole new perspective and respect.

I will not be going back to that store for a couple weeks at least. I need this memory to fade and my face to heal before I stroll back in. Also, if any of you are concerned, I will have a heart patient nursemaid staying with me for the next two days if required. John is heading up as I type and we are going to the Blackhawks Wild game tomorrow.

There is a big part of me that doesn’t want to post this but the best posts are personal and embarrassing. This one checks both boxes. Now pretend you didn’t read this because the stories I’m going to tell about my eye will seem confusing to those who know the truth. shhhh…