The title of this post is apparently what I should have named this thing but I had no way of knowing it would turn into Tom Talks Toilet Tissue. If you don't want to read about buttwipe click away, there is a lot of other internet left to read. When I got back from my trip I has some overabundance of barbecue in Austin Texas intestinal issues. That Friday night after I got to the apartment I shortly made the decision to recycle the remaining 11 rolls of Scott tissue in favor of something, anything, that was actually designed to work.
The first store I hit had nothing left but Scott. Somewhere there was a memo that I missed because this store is huge and every other brand was gone. A quick scan of the Amazon told me all I needed to know.
Over the years, Kimberly-Clark has made the roll narrower, the tube bigger, and the paper thinner. This time, they've taken it too far. The new 2019 formula is astonishingly thin and intolerably abrasive. The toilet paper found at highway rest stops is nicer than this. I'm 47 and I've been with this brand since I've been out of diapers. Hey Kimberly-Clark... It's MY job to $#!T on your product, not yours. Way to lose a lifetime customer. I'm out. And don't worry. I'll be making sure that whatever brand I buy is made by a different parent company.
Name withheld by your author because I just copied the text from his review. I wish I could contact him because I love his writing.
That was the first one star I found and told me the story I was looking for and it would seem that the word is out amongst the real world users as well. At my second stop I found some house brand but I wasn't going to get burned again so I tore into the pack and checked for thickness and texture. It was also an eight pack so there will be less waste if I bail on this kind. I absolutely hate that this is a thing in my life. We were due for some snow that afternoon so I suppose folks were nesting or some nonsense.
So annoyed was I that on my way home I was trying to remember all of the slang names for the stuff but could only remember bowel towels and shit tickets. I'm all jammed up.