The universe likes to push on my belly like the Pillsbury Doughboy except I don’t emit a high pitched hoo-hoo tickle-giggle. My default noise is more of a guttural fucks-sake. This week in SOMEONE OUT THERE IS A TWISTED INDIVIDUAL is brought to you by my nutritionist leaving her practice for another state. I called to make a followup appointment as instructed only to find that she is moving on and would I like to schedule with someone else in the practice? Nope. The only reason I went this far was due to her smart ass logic based style and unless you have another special unicorn over there I am not interested. I did leave a message asking if she would consider a doc-in-the-box situation but only after hanging up did I realize there is almost no chance that the receptionist she already left will deliver that proposal.
In her defense I am completely overreacting and definitely have some major abandonment issues along with the other snakes in my head. She saw me exactly 2 times and I was calling to book the third so I don’t think that warranted a personal relocation call. I am also a little butthurt because I’ve done pretty good in the maintenance phase of this awful eating lifestyle and was admittedly looking for a little praise from someone who doesn’t give it freely. So I was in a bit of a shit mood and then these things showed up on my grocers shelves…
SON OF AAAA. They are just as good as they sound. So good in fact that I unwittingly took most of the bag down for lunch today. I actually fluffed it up before taking the picture because I was a little ashamed of myself. Such spoiled little fat boy behavior. Three whole days of no supposed supervision and the wheels come off… Okay that was complete nonsense. I was a little hungover and those sounded good. Taking the bag down had nothing to do with anyone but yours truly and I enjoyed every delicious chip. I almost shook the crumbs out of the bag and lined them up like a rail but I thought better of a nonproductive nasal burn.
I am not back on my bullshit, that was just a delicious detour. I am currently cutting up a tree vegetable aka green apple to act as a base for any poor choices made later this evening. I am probably due as I successfully declined a proposition from a textbook hooker this afternoon on my walk. They don’t make a prophylactic thick enough for me to take down a street pro. Even if there was some kind of medical grade tool dip I still don’t know if I could close the deal. Something about a jack-o-lantern smile that I find wholly unattractive. Booji snob that I am.
I will leave you with a picture I took of the Mississippi this morning. As much as this place annoys me in the winter it makes up for it when the weather breaks.
