I find myself cleaning up my digital house this weekend and I came across a thing I wrote a couple years ago but never got around to doing anything with. It all started with a need to print a money alternative for a class we were developing and to annoy one particular coworker each bill had a different picture of my face as well as a nonsensical denomination. Like 3 1/2 and Pi. These would come to be known as Tom Bucks and eventually be printed right on the bills. The front of the bill was me in a different pose and the back was the back of my head. We eventually had to get rid of the numbers that made them hard to add on the fly for the sake of the game we played with them but you get the idea.
Lest you think me an egomaniac that is exactly who it was designed to annoy. I had my own company money and he didn’t. (I would show you an example but it has the company name on it and I’m not comfortable with that or capable of editing the picture to blur out the name) He kept bringing it up and I kept expanding the story to finally involve the formation of my own country which he would never be allowed in.
The following was either supposed to be a wikipedia page or a CIA briefing I can’t remember:
The Sovereign Nation of Tomsbekistan
(Aka SNOT)
The Sovereign Nation of Tomsbekistan has a secret and checkered history. Once thought to be the remote seat of power for deposed dictators and tyrants in hiding it was in truth just a group of vocal contrarians dedicated to disrupting the status quo and destroying egos.
Language: Ballbustish (Northern dialect)
Currency: the Fuk. Based on the US dollar, one Fuk equals roughly ten American dollars. There are no coins or denominations smaller or larger than the Fuk to keep minting costs down and accounting complexity low. If you are selling anything worth less than a Fuk then you need to increase the value or bundle the object with others so someone will give a Fuk for your goods or services.
Location: The exact location of SNOT is hard to pin down. The borders are fluid and highly contested as well as militarily fortified by a highly trained mercenary force.
Resources: The main source of SNOT’s wealth is a top secret project (Kola Superdeep Borehole) now known only as The Hole. Rumored to be an abandoned Soviet project to reach the center of the earth when is was captured by Tomsbekistan it was immediately turned into a no questions asked disposal area. For an extremely exorbitant fee payable only in gold, access is granted to a shielded dump area. Rumors abound about failed nuclear and biological experiments as well as human remains.
A popular theory is that they aggressively marketed nuclear waste disposal in the early years to seed the hole. The depth and proximity to the magma at the center of the earth plus the spent radioactive material means that anything thrown down the hole will be gone in no time at all. Melted down to base elements. Leaving no trace.
The Flag:
*when asked why their representation did not conform to international flag standards the answer was a blank stare. No further data is available.
Leadership: Tomsbekistan is a dictatorship. One can only come to power through assassination. Even if the current leader dies of natural causes - the pool of new potential leaders must all take someone out until there is but one. Volunteering yourself for future leadership is a dangerous game.
Diplomacy: The United Nations and other world government organizations will not be joined at all costs including assimilation with another governing body. As a sovereign state of devout contrarians all of these ideas are against everything they stand for. It is believed that they rely on their worldwide customer base for protection and some analysts believe that there is a world ending component to The Hole that keeps all powers at bay. The general thinking is that it is best to just leave these maniacs alone.
Embassy policy: no nation will be allowed to own any property in our country under any circumstances and we do not expect diplomatic status anywhere as a result of this stance. It is widely believed that passports are only stamped for non citizens on the way in. Attempts to infiltrate the government have proven ineffective.
*author’s note: This is a prime example of my brain rolling down a hill. Welcome to a brief peek inside.