I was caught between opposing forces and their hard and fast rules about holiday decorating last week and made the impulsive decision to unfold the Christmas tree. And now I have moved into holiday mode. I might wrap that masterpiece in the lights I had outside last year to switch things up but other than that I’m done. And so I join the heathens what decorate to early.
The holidays do come with a weird dating pressure. I’m having trouble putting my finger on it but it’s there. Last year I didn’t really feel like this because I think I was numb. I had signed a lease to get away and have some more opportunity at a job I love. Moved all my shit here and then doubled back to spend thanksgiving in the house I just left. I really struggled with who I was supposed to be and didn’t really think about me.
A year later I’m not carrying any of that baggage around so things have changed. I should clarify that Turkey Day doesn’t add anything odd. I’m staying with friends and family so no odd trips to the old house. This is weird to write down because I hadn’t told anyone until my therapist just a couple weeks ago, but, my birthday last year was awful. I should explain that I am a New Years Eve baby and I spent the whole day by myself. By about 10:00pm it got weird. Then I thought it was by choice but it turns out the snakes in my head were driving.
So this year decisions need to be made. I know I’m not ringing in the change of years in Illinois but after that the possibilities are endless. The real pisser is this new need to share it with someone. Strange after having decades of that not being a thing to even think about. Anyway, excited to go back this week and see my family and friends. I’ll worry about New Years once December hits.