So a little more on what’s going on with me lately. My down time is beginning to annoy me and what do do about that fact is a conundrum. Going to the bars around here solo is a hollow existence. The people are nice, drinking entertains me (but that feels like a slippery slope) but without people who get my sense of humor it’s just not the same.
For those who don’t know I can get a bit snarky and my humor tends to be on the dark side of smartass which shocks some folks. I also need a smart group to build funny with… preferably people with a similar disregard for eternal damnation. Not having found that here puts a damper on the fun but admittedly some of that is on me. I have just been dabbling in the make this place my home department and I’m not sure why. Now that work doesn’t feel the best the lack of personal life stings a bit more right now. Nothing anyone but me can do about it. Just facts.
Some might think that moving back to Illinois would fix shit right up and if it were that simple I would have already done it. My job would go away but I’m pretty sure I could find something else without much trouble. I miss my friends but not all of the gossipy garbage that comes with my old neighborhood. And speaking of the old hood relations with my ex are good-ish but it feels like that whole thing is made out of very thin glass. So the idea of me living back there and trying to fire up a new life is a little stomach churning.
I could move closer but not in that state and that is an attractive option. I really question relocating and sticking with this same weather. A smart man would get more consistent warmth so that has to be a factor. Nothing is going to happen for a while but I have to change my after work situation quickly. Becoming a hermit or a barfly seem right in my wheelhouse and a trap that could be tough to escape.
I had a friend recently ask me what I was thinking and my brain is hard to explain. I’m a big fan of mind mapping and I do it for everything so I started one for this current situation. I’ll copy it from my note app and post it below. Yup, that’s a peek inside my thinking alright. enjoy
