*editors note: I was writing this yesterday but could never bring myself to hit publish. Probably some Christmas Spirit something or other. Luckily that’s all worn off now.
Today might be the first in my entire divorce journey where I have some deep regrets about how things ended up. I’m not a look backwards guy and that’s not what I’m doing right now. What I’m going through today is a lack of somewhere else to be. When I had my own household in this state it made sense for me to be somewhere other than my parents home on Christmas Day. My new status as America’s Guest stings just a little right now.
Things I have an unexplainable urge to apologize for:
I don’t have an opinion on the temperature in the house
I have no opinion on what tv show is playing at any time
I’m not hungry
I am unconcerned with the apparently low Diet Coke levels as I’m checking out in the morning
I have no desire to take any “memories” back to my apartment
I don’t think the bedroom carpet looks bad
I am not bothered by the sun streaming rough the blinds
I can hear
I answer truthfully the first time a question is asked and get irritated by the fourth round of the exact same inquiry
I’m generally unconcerned about things that I should be obsessing over and refuse to join the worry spiral
I should never render a contrary opinion to anything (this by the way is impossible for me and the people who raised me should know better)
The final event of the day was a Christmas note from 30+ years ago, saved in a plastic sheet protector, retrieved from a locked safe, where I told my mom that she was right. From my perspective I was admitting one of my life regrets and letting her know that I should have tried harder and graduated college… the unintended other perspective was “See, I’m right.”
Changes will be made next year.