something
I have always found it easier to write online when there is little else going on in my life. When things get busy this doesn’t cross my mind until one of my friends sends me a not-so-gentle reminder usually in the form of a jab. This weeks “reminder” came in the form of a text message that embarrassed me because I had become lax in my laptop notification settings. I’ve become so used to my eyes being the only ones able to see the display that I didn’t really think about it while I was showing a coworker something on my screen. Luckily, I consider this person a friend and he shares a similar sense of humor so he just laughed when up on my screen popped the following:
“I am bored. Drop your dick for five minutes and type me something funny or at least give some details on this new girlfriend!”
I should not reward this behavior so after I immediately changed the notification settings I decided to delay a couple of days at the least. Also, I am not innocent in that particular text string as I have sent some absolutely awful thoughts his way… but at fault or not I was embarrassed. There are no relationship details that will ever be shared. Being written about is not what she signed up for and while I’ve told her that this thing exists she has specifically expressed a desire to hear my stories rather than read them which is completely fair.
In other news; I was worried I would have a four hour plane ride seated next to this specimen. Rocking a hair hat, murse, and a shirt that screams LETS ARGUE, I knew I didn’t have the energy. Luckily what I assumed was his wife and support pug took up the entirety of his row so I was spared the trouble. That look is a confrontational choice but if the shirt and man-bag were designed to distract the casual observer from the wig then its genius. I only noticed because rug spotting is one of my travel hobbies and as I stood behind him while boarding I noticed the obvious signs. I would have gotten a better picture but his scalp must have tingled with warning as he spun around and looked me in my face just after that shot was taken.
My stealth photography skills are shit and I saw a dude wearing those Meta Ray Ban glasses last week which I thought could help me in that department. He was showing them off to his group of friends and he said “Hey Meta, take a picture.” then a light turned on the front of the glasses indicating a picture was being taken. There goes my stealth photo fantasy. I’m sure there’s a button but the red warning light will rat me out. I’m probably not going to get good until something is implanted in my eyeball that is blink activated. Not for nothing but I would sign up for a bionic eye in a heartbeat. The possibilities stagger the imagination.