scoot no more

Last night I found myself at a bar I walked to and when I was ready to leave it was drizzling. I was going to just call an Uber but the closest one was fifteen minutes away and the bar had turned for me. Without going into too much detail, an interaction with the person I was there to meet and her friends went sideways when they unknowingly played to my love of verbal jousting. Feelings were hurt and the more they tried to get me the worse they got got. I was having a great time but it was clear I was the only one so I took my leave.

Just as I was contemplating the long damp walk home an alternative mode of transportation appeared. Now that the weather has broken my old friends at Lime have started showing back up around the neighborhood. All you need is the Uber app and you’re off to the races as long as the thing has juice. And juice it had.

I began my journey with caution. Partially due to the weather conditions and partially due to my own internal conditions. Everything was going great until I got closer to home and my normal walking path. Being familiar with the terrain gave me false confidence so I opened the throttle all the way up. I am not built for speed on these contraptions as my center of gravity is too high up and there is no way in hell I’m squatting while scooting. Giant douche attempting to cut his wind resistence was going through my head as I misjudged a street to sidewalk transition.

Once that front wheel starts to wobble at speed you’re screwed and I was looking for the softest landing. I ditched on a lawn and as mentioned earlier it had been raining most of the day so the landing was soft. My problem was I threw out my right arm to brace my fall and in the process I screwed my shoulder up but good. Luckily the alcohol delayed any pain reaction so I got back up and wheeled the rest of the way home. slowly…

This morning when I woke up if felt like my shoulder was caught in a bear trap. I couldn’t raise it much more than waist high which has made existing fun. Ive been eating various pain killers like candy and applying pain patches to the point that I have an artificially large right shoulder. And YES I realize that piling them on top of each other cuts the effectiveness but pulling them off is like removing duct tape.

I had a friend suggest a trip to the ER earlier today but like I told her I am too stubborn for that and I am blissfully unsupervised. It was so bad earlier that I couldn’t even type this but now I’m feeling much better relatively speaking. The one thing I do know is there will be no more scooters in my future. I am officially swearing off of the evil things after my second humiliating crash.

I wanted to get a picture of the one I tumbled but someone took the muddy version… unless the rain cleaned it up... But mine wasn’t so much parked as it was angrily flung to the ground. On second thought maybe the Lime people came by to pick up their wounded property. That actually makes more sense. It also gives me a little anxiety as I know I was the last registered user. Gonna take me a few days to open the Uber app lest I’ve got some official reprimand waiting for me. Fucking Scooters!