I mentioned that I’m trying out new walking tracks now that I live in a different part of the city and that’s where this story takes place on one of those potential routes. Being a Friday night I was amped up from the week and had no plans so I went for a walk to wind down. Saint Paul is best described as a small town big city. The pandemic kicked the shit out of it and businesses aren’t coming back at the pace everyone wanted.
I tell you this because there are more empty and abandoned store fronts than there are businesses. It’s kind of freaky because you can see restaurants and bars that look completely ready to open minus stock and people. The other thing I should mention is that unlike other cities I’ve visited there are no clear divisions where bad behavior takes place. No defined section to buy drugs, no ho stroll, etc. it’s the Wild West where anything can happen anywhere. And this is the scenario I found myself last night at dusk.
I was walking by a really cool old building that apparently used to house a visually awesome bar. I was moving slowly admiring the establishment through the dirty glass and my mind wandered to opening that place. Plus, it decided to get cold here so I was out in a jacket and a hoodie which reduced my situational awareness further.
So I shouldn’t have reacted so severely as I walked past the recessed entrance and someone came out of the shadows talking to me. I shouted a defensive barrage of swear words but she was ready for that. In a too calm voice she asked “ what do you think of these tiddies?”
The shock wearing off I glanced down to see an impressive set of breasts being expertly displayed by practiced professional hands. As mentioned earlier it was cold which made for ideal viewing conditions. I should also mention that it’s been quite a while since I’ve had any live action so that needs to be factored in to my perspective but here is where I was presented with an ethical dilemma. How should I answer?
She took my hesitation as an invitation to press. “$5 and you can suck on one!” Okay, that snapped me back into reality. I mumbled something about being a generous offer but I had places to be and she hit me with the nightly special. That same five dollar investment would let me suck on BOTH - AND I could also lower my pants and take care of my own business (I’m paraphrasing)
Yikes. This was heading down a path I did not want to travel so I started to walk away. Then she hit me with a theft of services allegation “you’ve already seen ‘em so you owe me$2!” Shit. She had me. They were impressive and that pricing was more than fair. Luckily I had a five so I paid the suck and self service special rate for the viewing only option and told her to consider the extra as a tip.
And now that track is officially crossed off my list and I will have to find another abandoned establishment to daydream about… oh well. Life in the not so big city.