possible change in the air
This posts the potential to be a long, winding, boring road. If you don't have that in you right now I suggest moving on to other parts of the internets. This post is brought to you by a racing brain, a shitty mood, a desire to write, (and apparently by misused commas with the current count at 5) but the knowledge that nothing really "fits" into my perception of this thing. What follows will be me thinking aloud, err, on paper, err, on pixels...
I write a lot. I tell you that because you don’t really see it here, but I’ll tell you why. I have always struggled with this whole blog (all this time -writing one just not THIS one -and I still hate that word) thing because I’ve never had a theme or direction. The writing I love to read is usually based on a subject that interests me and I don't really find myself that interesting. But, I do notice things. Lots of things. And I have trouble with endless curiosity so much so that if an answer is not available I will just make one up. This is what makes it hard for me to have a platform where I just discuss one single topic.
I don’t really work like that. I write the things down that cross my brain. Good bad and otherwise. I'll give you an example from my phone notes I was just looking at last night.
homeless dude on corner sign said "contribute to my 401K" awesome
do the Metro trains always have to pull all the cars?
what is garlic bread cheese?
banks and insurance companies are complete shit but we all use them because we have to
if aliens are here why don't they help? dicks?
women's shoes are fucking ridiculous
figure out how to signal my early morning bb to tell him I might be moving offices
notes app on my phone
*editors note: I copied and pasted those from notes but I realized that no one could know that bb is building buddy. I have a dude in the opposing high-rise that gets in early and mornings when we are both looking out we wave. Its not every day but it makes me smile every time.
While I was going through the dissolution of my marriage, I could think of little else so I shut down my original site. It would not have been fair for me to write about something publicly that my wife and I were going through in private, so I took to pen and paper. I had a journal that contained a years’ worth of not-so-great thoughts that I burned once the divorce was final. Seriously not great thinking. I was climbing in and out of a deep dark place for a while and the writing helped.
It was very cathartic, and I burned it with advice from a professional. In all fairness she didn’t say burn it but she did say get rid of it and make sure no one can read it. (I read her some stuff so draw your own conclusions) I don’t have ready access to large amounts of corrosive liquids which is probably best for everyone so I went with cleansing fire. If you’re wondering why it had to be destroyed its because I used names and vented about things that were nobody’s business but my own.
I tell you this because I still work out some problems this way. I write them down as a way to think about them out loud. I don’t really share my troubles live and in person with anyone save a therapist and she would say that I’ve got a trust thing right now due to past events but what the hell does she know...
So the change I talked about earlier: I’m going to try and consolidate my writing to just this space. This will force me to edit out names and be a little more thoughtful. You're not going to get everything because that would just make this more confusing than it already is but I'm going to work on a schedule. I am also trying to get my brain around putting down some dating stories. My policy earlier this year was it wasn't fair but some of this three ring shitshow needs to be documented.
I'm currently on summer dating hiatus but once I climb back on the horse I will be writing things down. That's it, not huge changes. I'm just going to make it okay for myself to not always have something funny to say when I sit down to publish something here. I feel better than I did when I started.