*authors note: I didn’t want to publish this but I’m having a shit day and this was the steam vent. It is completely embarrassing for me so please skip this and come back once I unbreak my brain.
I find myself early this Monday morning waiting on a plane to take me to Texas and my brain is in a pretzel . I love the company and people I’m going to work with but a week away from regular work adds a special brand of anxiety. It appears that I might need to pick up a side hustle if I’m going to make any forward progress in this new life. FUCK I hate writing that down.
Progress is a weird word and doesn’t really explain very well. I’ve boiled my life down into simple economical parts that mean I can survive and still contribute to those I’m contractually obligated but beyond that things get bumpy. I want to be able to help the people I care about when they need it but right now that’s not a thing.
You are seeing this as I just finished applying for a loan to cover my lawyer and other expenses while I wait for the courts and various other circus monkeys to process a withdrawal from my only remaining asset as part of the divorce. Fuck me I’m having trouble thinking my way out of this pickle.
I’m also pissy because I’m backing out of golfing for a while due to current economic conditions and I was really beginning to like that game again. But she is an expensive mistress and one who will not tolerate casual dating. paying good money to suck at something right now doesn’t make sense especially when there is so much that annoys me for free.
This post will most likely not see the light of day, err, internet. I don’t mean it to be a bummer it just is. I needed to write this as I am in a shit headspace and need to get rid of it before I encounter people who are paying for my best possible me.