I might have mentioned that I am taking the summer off from the scary world of online dating. I jumped in too soon and failed to put much thought into any of it. Due to my piss poor planning I was trying to keep way too many plates in the air (old saying originating from a circus act where people spun a row of plates on wooden sticks. I don't know what to tell you... this was before the internet so when you were bored you had to make shit up to entertain yourself) like multiple apps and who I was talking to where.
Throw in the fact that a nightmare from my past showed up as a match on one and me having to learn a bunch of new terms like "thruple" and it was time for me to go. Multiple friend sources have recommended I go through a paid site of some kind to weed out the riff-raff. This is sound advice that I will follow once the weather breaks and I am stuck inside more. I tell you all of this to set the table for what happened to me last night.
I was at a local establishment having a nightcap after meeting some friends for dinner. Solo at the bar is prime people watching and the place I patronized has friendly bartenders who don't look down their noses at my Coors Light order. Everything was moving along nicely until I noticed a group of women glancing my way. This might seem like an ideal scenario but I've been around a while and know friends out having fun with each other so I ignored the group.
I should note that they were all younger than my target age group. If I had to guess I would say very early forties moms out having a good time. The spokesperson passed me on the way to the bathroom and on her return trip she said hello. I smiled and said hi but went back to the bar TV. She asked a question but I didn't hear it so I said "excuse me?" I had missed an invitation to join them at their table. I respectfully declined saying something super witty like its past my bedtime so she went back to the group.
I'm not exactly sure what the game was but since I didn't join in another one who I imagine is the badass protector of the group came over to talk. I find it best to pay partial attention in these situations. Few things more infuriating than making a sharp remark only to have your intended target ask you to repeat it because they really weren't listening. The comments weren't even that mean. I'm sure her husband would have been spun-up but that's because he's trapped with that thing 24/7. Anyway, I mentioned that I meant no disrespect but I was just trying to drink my beer in peace when she threw her final haymaker.
"You're probably out here cheating on your wife anyway"
The wounds of my former marriage might not be as healed as I thought and the cheating thing is a particularly sore subject. So against my better judgement I let her have it. I am not proud of this action so I won't record it word for word but let's just say I went too far. She mentioned my size so I threw in the fact that I'm bald, there was something about me being old and I might have mentioned a desperate neckline. The cherry on top of the shit sundae I served up was mentioning I could see a Spanx line on her back made it look like she was being consumed by an anaconda.
She poked me with a Nerf knife and had no idea I carry swords. I woke up with regrets this morning but this might be a signal that I need to partner up at some point. Minus someone whose opinion I care about makes me the definition of a loose cannon.