Upon further review I might be a little dead inside during this current chapter of my life. I really want someone to hang out with but not too much. That might seem like a conflict but I am comfortable with myself and really kind of like the living situation I've carved out for myself. The thing I miss most is someone to talk through the minutia of the day with. Its just nice to have. By the way, this stance is most likely brought to you by the not-so-good people at online dating.
Dating is exhausting. (so far Ive been lied to about age, kids, looks, employment status, and religious/political extremes. I was even invited to take part in a thruple and I wasn't really sure what that was) I feel like everyone I've met so far is acting in some way. There was a woman I liked that I think could have been a good friend but she wanted much more. So much more so fast that I had to pull out the "its just too soon" and then ran from that app like it was on fire. I still treat that one like its radioactive just in case she is back on it and we somehow match up again. Holy crap someone needs to invent some age stratified in person events for singles.
And not that bullshit It's Just Lunch thing either. $2,500 for a "professional" matchmaker means that the name itself is nonsense. I think that is designed for people who have an internal need to get married. I have a friend that paid the money and they couldn't find a match. Did they refund any of the fee? nope..
I also don't think I want to get married again. Nothing against the institution itself but it might no longer be for me. Again, I am looking for someone cool to hang out with that actually likes me. I don't think I'm aiming too high here. I want to look forward to seeing them and their company should enhance my life. Yup, I am a straight up weirdo.
I've been talking with a professional listener about the current state of my brain and she's helping me work through some of those things from taking a loss after three decades with someone. Right now it feels like an uphill climb but the break she recommended from all of the apps was genius. I am officially on time out from dating until winter sets in. Shit gets boring up here once the true cold sets in.
One final note. If I do get back on the horse I will tell the stories here. That is unless I find someone I care about in which case they will know this exists and that won't make sense. (much like that last sentence)