oh well

looks like I scared a couple people off

I get a weekly report about my readership and it makes me smile every time because it has been holding at 19 subscriptions for months. I’m not smiling about my horrendous lack of success because that is probably six more folks than I’ve told about this nonsense. I smile because when I did this in blog form - and mostly daily - I measured the same numbers but with extra digits. I have to say I like this better. The report I looked at yesterday showed me down 3 so apparently my unfortunate last adventure culled 3 of my weaker subscribers.

I am not upset. Scatological stories can be triggering and much like the rest of the internet the beauty is in the freedom to click away. So to the loyal 16 I thank you. I hope to never repeat that story but who knows where this crazy ride I’m on is going to go next. Anyhow, I finally felt good enough to take a walk around my new hood on Sunday where I ran into this little fella.

Its Colonel John H. Stevens the first official resident of Minneapolis or some bullshit like that. Ignore all of those pesky brown people who were here way before him but whom and by everything seems to be named after… (that sentence was abysmal but hopefully you get my drift) If this statue is life-sized its no wonder why I can’t cram my giant ass into anything olde timey. This little fucker is in heels and a hat probably due to some minimum pour size for cast bronze statues. Maybe that’s why most of these historical elves are on horseback? I might be on to something here…

Behind him is his house and I thought it was cool that it stayed in the midst of a park for all these years until further research led me to understand that this thing has moved more than I around this area. Cool that they are fixing it up but I’m pretty sure that plastic on the roof isn’t historically accurate. Tyvek on the side you can’t see right now is another dead giveaway. This seems dumb to me because why wouldn’t you want tourists to experience the house the way this munchkin lived in it long ago?

I’m sure his tiny little ghost would throw an itty bitty fit if he could find the place. He is most likely haunting the post office located in the spot where he built it. More shins to kick year round over there I’d bet.

This jaunty prick is Gunnar Wennerberg some famous Swedish fellow who deserved a statue way back when. I think this might have been the first recorded version of an online dating profile because looking at this statuesque (crap, I’m talking about an actual statue here so I don’t think I can say that) pose he looks like quite the catch. Then after exchanging correspondence for a couple of months this is what meets you in real life.

For fucks sake this has been happening for centuries. Lies! That is some majestic facial hair though but the eyes give off werewolf vibes.