So I wound up walking for MS this morning in the park across the street. There was a huge hubbub when I left my house to get some steps in and it got louder the closer I got to my chosen track for the day.
It turned out to be a fundraising walk for a couple thousand people all of which were in on the event… unlike me. I walked along oblivious for a while not even wondering why team names were being called out over the loudspeakers or considering the need for loudspeakers in general. It’s when I caught up to this group of matching t-shirts with more into the horizon that the light began to turn on.
I was moving at an average clip for me which normally isn’t that fast but I kept passing groups like they were standing still. I did think for a minute that this is the kind of movement group I could be a part of because I might for the first time in my life be considered quick. I couldn’t understand what was happening until my brain finally engaged. “Hey dummy, these people are walking with and for their loved ones who have Multiple Sclerosis and most of them are politely keeping pace.” For fucks sake I can be dense without trying very hard.
I slowed my fat ass down and only passed when the groups were too slow to tolerate. I had no idea but I joined the three mile track and was handed water and swag along the way. (drank the water but felt too guilty to take the unearned swag) I planned on a quick 2 mile jaunt today but compared to what some of these people were dealing with I needed to just shut the fuck up and walk. By the time I finished I felt so guilty I perused the tents and vendors in search of a place to donate. It took an extra half our but I figured it out. Stepping in an unintentional pile of good deed is not very satisfying.
When I got home I was starving so I began the process of reverse searing that bludgeon of beef my friends sent me. I have the tiniest Weber grill so I fired up the coals when I was almost up to low and slow oven temp. The steak was bigger than the grilling surface I am working with so the bone made the lid not fit as it stuck out the side. My neighbors were attempting to enjoy the beautiful day but I was smoking them out as the delicious fat smoked on my patio like it was being paid to do so.
After it properly rested I devoured the richest piece of cow I’ve had in 3 months. Now I type this to you with a belly full of delight and regret. The steak was everything I imagined but my bodies reaction is increasingly concerning. I type this hoping to take my mind off of an obvious misstep and with the sincere hope that there is no carryover into tomorrow.
Luckily this is Sunday which means MY TIME. I have nothing that I HAVE to do today and that’s just the way I like it. More than a few women over the last couple years have made my do not call list by attempting to plan out a Sunday for me. I was concerned but my therapist thinks it’s probably best. I am currently working on some things that require self reflection and time alone is perfect for that activity.
I have an old friend from High School coming in this week and we are heading out for dinner. She reached out through LinkedIn of all places and I’m going with it because she always cracked me up. I have zero knowledge of anything that’s gone on in her life and I’m not going to cyber stalk her because I want to use the human interaction time to figure it out. I tell you this not as a dating update but to expose an interesting fact I’ve recently uncovered.
I am great at talking to people who don’t live here. Its safe. When they live close the assumption of time increases and I’m not sure I’m there yet… err ever. There is a lot going on with me right now not the least of which might be a lingering love for my ex. This is just in my own brain pan and something I’m currently working through but a mental speed bump nonetheless. I need to go and tend to this cramping now. Apologies for the overshare…