I had a great week on the road. It’s rare that I am attending a class but that’s just what I got to do and it opened my eyes to some things I’ve been procrastinating. It wouldn’t be fair for me to talk about most of it but I can sum up without potentially damaging any relationships. I have to have multiple tough conversations at work that are long overdue. The delay is all on me and my fear of the outcome. If the worst comes true I’ll be out on the street looking for work but if that is the case then everything my company teaches and stands for will be bullshit so I probably shouldn’t work here anyway.
Two of these are so intense that I’m going to give myself two full weeks to prepare and most of that will be writing and rewriting my side of the conversation. I know this is cryptic and unfair but this will be burning a lot of upcoming time and brain power so I needed to get it out of the way.
After the class I got to spend the night with some of my favorite people on the planet. I will never skip an opportunity to meet up with any of them. Watched some high school state playoff soccer, a new show was added to my view cue, and we cyber stalked the shit out of some disconnected relatives. Turns out I’ve been blocked by more folks than I knew. Oh well, less things to bother me.
I awoke this morning eye to eye with that creepy fucking rocking chair. I’m probably shitting on a family heirloom but I didn’t notice the eyeballs when I set my phone and glasses in its lap last night before passing out. Then as I was checking the time, me and the chair locked eyes. (Add that to the list of things I never could’ve guessed I’d write)
As I got ready it’s gaze followed me around the room. So much so that I might have audibly complimented its lace doily collar… just in case I had angered it somehow. Then I wondered if it had a name and if it might be related to my cardboard roommate Chuck but I quickly shut down that line of inquiry as it will be best revisited once I’m in an actual care unit of some type. If you are one of my kids reading this you should know that I have thousands of these little nuggets stored away for the inevitable breakdowns to come.
My earlier instructions hold true. If I lose my mind just leave me alone. I’m having a great time in my brain even if I’m tied to a wheelchair next to a fern. I am most likely some kind of superhero living my best life. If you feel like you HAVE to visit don’t ruin holidays on my account. Show up in February and tell me it’s Christmas. Then turn off the lights, walk out of the room, and walk back in like a week has passed and wish me happy birthday. Also, I will be disappointed if I do forget who you are and you don’t lie to me when I ask.
I don’t want you to feel sad because your dad forgot you, rather be excited by what celebrity I thought I was talking to for an hour. If it doesn’t make you smile it’s not me approved.