how did I get here?

My work fucks account is overdrawn which means I will not be giving any until I recharge. The lunacy has accelerated in the span of a week and a half to a point where I now think I might be part of some social experiment or prank. All sound business decision making is out the window in favor of nonsense and I am spun-the-hell-up. This has direct correlation to the story I am about to tell.

For the last couple weeks Ive been walking multiple times a day to keep the demons at bay. I wake up and first thing I go out and walk for a half hour. I’m doing this now knowing full well that in a couple of months when this place turns into the surface of the moon I will not be marching around in the pitch black frozen tundra. When the sun comes up the more industrious of the unhomed are starting their days as well and as I am want to do I’ve made some casual acquaintances.

Nothing lasting but we exchange head nods and good mornings with them leaving me out of an ask for cash that gets repeated constantly. As I reflect, my wearing of the same comfortable yet admittedly shabby walking outfit every week day might give off the impression that I am one of them or at the very least a close proximity. I feel no need to dispel those assumptions. My route is filled with friendly folks save one. This dude is never not in a shit mood and he lashes out at anyone close enough to listen so most people in the know will cross to the other side just to avoid the scream-beg.

I made the mistake yesterday of checking my email BEFORE my walk which let me in on a new low on the fucktardery scale. This placed me in a foul mood turning my walk into more of a stomp. My mind was all over the road as I wrestle with some major life decisions and I didn’t notice until it was too late… GIVE ME A FUCKING DOLLAR! he was three feet from me and I had nowhere to go so I just sat down next to him and screamed NO.

We yelled back and forth for a good five minutes which is exhausting and it was mostly him repeating his request and calling me names while I tried to figure out what he earns in the average day and had he ever tried a different approach. Mind you this entire interaction is being conducted at maximum volume whilst sitting on the ground. I got up when I realized I was exhausted after that exchange and my adversary had an active puddle expanding from his undercarriage.

My throat hurt and I had a slight headache but I felt comparatively great. This isn’t something I could repeat daily but a top of my lungs scream reset hit the spot. So much better was my mood that I agreed to meet someone I had been talking to and even let her pick the spot. And where did she chose for our first public no pressure meeting you might ask…

Yup, the Dairy Queen right across the street. 50 yards from my patio. I just mentioned that I knew where it was and would meet her there at the appointed time. I went out the garage on the back side of my building and walked a circuitous route so I showed up from the complete opposite direction. We sat under that orange umbrella depicted above and had a nice ice cream treat. This was no love connection on either side and truth be told I was in no mood for any of it. I just went because she was asking and I kept dodging. I had reached the threshold where my detachment made me an asshole and I don’t want to treat people like that.

We ended like adults with a mutual non connection acknowledgement and a vague lie about possibly hanging out as friends someday. nope. also before you ask I never told her where I lived. Few are allowed in the fortress of solitude.

The good news is I am officially hanging up the personal interaction thing until I get my professional life sorted out. Part of me would love to have someone to talk things out with but another bigger part of me wants to get the hell out of Dodge. Too much is up in the air. I used to have a strong belief that when things were going well at home work life would be a little tougher and vice versa. This current dumpster fire is all consuming and I need to work my way clear.

But all is not lost. And just like that a day can completely turn around. Ladies don’t underestimate the power of a random unsolicited body picture. It can do wonders for the soul of its recipient.