Holy weird Christmas Batman
This might be the stage of my current life but today is strange to say the least. So far we have had trouble because I didn’t want a breakfast filled with a little bit from every type of food in the refrigerator. Then the merits of spreading cream cheese on things was explained/sold to me but I was not buying. Yup, I’m a subversive who will not be moved from my staunch position that butter is the only acceptable bread lube. And when I announced that I would be taking a pass on the peanut butter option you would have thought that I just committed my life to communism.
I am also considering taking a baseball bat to my television when I get back home. The discussions that have taken place over shows and times and favorites and things we don’t care for… I also might be a heretic for not knowing about more than half of the shows discussed. When I mentioned that I don’t have cable I was met with a furrowed brow and a tilted head. After I explained that this wasn’t a divorce forced suffering I was questioned on how and what I watch.
Everything that is done throughout the day is announced. I might be the one at fault here as I’ve grown accustomed to living alone but I can’t remember a time where every shift in position was declared and potentially debated (mostly an external debate with one participant) if you don’t verbally state your own change in position you should prepare to be questioned. This gives me a better understanding of why my dad remains stationary throughout the day.
All texts, calls, and emails are announced aloud to your partner and most are walked over to show what you just said - if they want to see it or not. Saying “no” or “I’m good” really means you aren’t smart enough to know what you should or shouldn’t look at. That decision will be made by the arbiter of all things. And don’t get me started on my nonsensical claims about not knowing some obscure name from a discussion. A complete flow chart of why I’m wrong will be explained until I submit and agree that I did in fact remember Agnes…
It is not yet 10:00am and we have discussed:
The weather
What we are wearing today (no one is leaving the house)
Every potential meal and snack
The TV schedule for the day
A complete review of last nights conversations
A complete review of all grandchildren status
Christmas cards, letters, holiday calls
Our extended family
Covid-19
Politics
The weather again
Me driving back
The weather in Saint Paul
Furniture and the fact that they are shrinking
A review of friends and remembered extended families
And now we’re back in to a review of all the food in the fridge
I’m typing this and not being interrupted as I have announced this as a pressing work issue that needs my full attention. There is no such thing in my current position that would demand this much thumb typing but I have really enjoyed the break. I have joined the insanity as I am plotting the things I’ll do to break up the day. Everything will be dragged out as long as possible and that list includes, showering, making the bed, straightening my room, repacking my car, a nap, and a possible trip to whatever store I can find open to buy something I don’t need.
Merry Christmas to all! Crap, I’m done writing.