For the last couple weeks the wildfires have been sending their products drifting down here producing a Los Angeles like fuzz in the sky. As Canadia burns we get to suffer the constant smell of campfire minus the beer and implied promise of s'mores. (typing that word somehow made it worse for me. scratching that one from my vocabulary...) Its downright oppressive. Even the scary homeless lady who attacks for money at a certain time of day on a very busy corner was wearing a kirchief around her nose and mouth.
Someone less familiar with her might think this was a covid precaution but I will tell you that even the Vid is afraid of this human. She stands about five foot six inches and is well over two spins of the scale at least half of that weight being breasts. Those appendages should be contained by a steel belted brassiere of military grade construction instead they are partially covered by an oversized mens tank top that stopped caring years ago.
When she arrives at your vehicle you are hypnotized by the sway and random escapes while being audibly assaulted by screams. It's terrifying. I've seen more than one person just push money out a crack in their window with the hopes of making the entire tableau disappear. Not going to happen unless she locks eyes with another victim. I tried not looking at first which just made things worse. She placed a paw on my windshield to get my attention and when I still didn't look she slapped it. hard.
The next time I tried locking eyes. Predator to predator style backs down the majority of the crack zombies I encounter but with her I felt this immediate falling sensation. Like I was being sucked into a black hole. The scared couple in the car behind me honking was the only thing that saved me I think. So now when I approach that intersection my head is on a swivel. Knowing her location is the first step.
Once I have her spotted as actively working its decision time. Is she in my lane or on my side of traffic flow? If yes proceed to an alternate route. If she is not on my side I have to assess the potential migration. She is drawn to clean and fancy cars. The day of my attack I was the best option and I had just come from the car wash. Rookie mistake that will never be repeated. So if there is a chance she will be drawn close by one of my traffic neighbors... again, get moving.
One intersection isn't a lot to give up in the grand scheme of things. It is a main one but can be avoided. I was heading to dinner last week with a group of visiting work friends and we saw her. I had to quickly explain the eye contact rules but luckily she was locked on an Escalade so we escaped without incident. Anyway, smoke haze everywhere and even this apex predator is affected.
And just so you know I will most likely never get a picture. I would need to be in the safety of a building and have some long range zoom camera setup and that's not happening. Instead, enjoy another picture of the constant lung burning fog I currently live in.
