Goulash
Much like my mom's recipe its just a bunch of stuff thrown in together. Sometimes good, other times not so much...
First up I came down with a case of the VID this week. Nothing to cry about, it’s everywhere, but I felt like ass for a couple days and lost my sense of taste. My friend Rob hasn’t been able to taste anything for close to 3 years and I was always a mixture of sad and envious of him. Sad because eating is truly one of life’s great pleasures so not enjoying it would be a bit of a joy sucking experience. Envious because it seemed like a healthy eating super power. If you can’t taste why eat bad-for-you foods? Ive got one word for you and that is texture.
On Tuesday when it finally kicked in that I wasn’t tasting anything I shoved down my beer hole I decided to start experimenting. I went and purchased a whole bunch of “healthy” foods. I even decided to try one of those fake meat burgers as well as some other awful sounding vegetarian nonsense. Welp, it turns out that my body can sense through the no taste thing and still register disgusting. Holy Hell some of that nonsense was hard to choke down mostly due to the way it felt in my mouth. I think that thing about losing one sense makes the others work harder is true because all of a sudden I had the vision of an eagle allowing me to pick out everything optically wrong with what I consumed. And my mouth began processing another level of sensations that all led to me bailing out on this expensive experiment.
There is also something else at work here as I might be carrying around a hex of some kind. While shopping at Super Bowl weekend I ran into a fascinating pair of women. This assessment was purely based on their manner of dress so I politely (I thought, but in my defense I was a bit hungover) asked what order they were from. They both stared holes in me and upon further review they were most likely communicating telekinetically and deciding my fate.
The shorter one sensed my picture taking so I most likely sealed my fate at that point but come on… How could I NOT try to talk to them? I left the store curious and unsatisfied but still enjoyed the rest of my time with my friends. So screw these two little blue hobbits and their conestoga wagon hats.
Also, another no taste side note: This condition does not make you immune to hot peppers. Trust me, taste has little to do with the chemical reactions happening in the mouth and throat and does not negate the human need to breathe. Let me sum that episode up with my internal thoughts about how embarrassing it would be to wind up dead with all of that ridiculous food in my house and a too hot pepper having eating its way out of my stomach like the Alien from Alien.
In other news we finally got some snow.
This is just in time for one of my neighbors who will be attending the COOP FIS CROSS COUNTRY WORLD CUP - STIFEL LOPPET CUP. I had to copy that bullshit from the internet because I thought my neighbor might have been having a stroke whilst explaining the event to me but it turned out to be just as unappealing as she described. I will not be venturing out to watch that. If I go anywhere this weekend it will be to Costco or the mall to get some steps in and procure some much needed supplies. The roads are cleaner now than that picture shows and a drive might break things up nicely.
Everyone enjoy your weekends and if you see any of the witches depicted above please avoid them at all costs. Thus ends my Public Service Announcement. If you are one of the women I encountered mentally reading this because you aren’t allowed to use technology… remove your curse. Don’t make me order one of these scary faceless dolls to counteract your bullshit. Also, when you checked out of Walmart technology was used… suck on that.
