After consulting with a couple of my closest confidants I have come to the conclusion that writing about the flaming shitshow that was my Friday night date would not be a violation of any kind. Whilst a gentleman would never kiss and tell there was none of that so those antiquated rules need not apply. And speaking of rules this date has triggered another hard and fast one as it relates to me and dating. No FaceTime No Date.
As you might have guessed the woman who showed up for drinks on Friday looked little like her profile pictures. So off was her appearance that she felt the need to address it right away as we sat down. “I know some of my pictures were older than I said…” The couple of times I tried to communicate with video there was always an excuse. Just got out of the shower, just worked out, haven’t died my hair, all normal things. Plus, I understand that being female in our society can suck because there is a lot of artificial pressure to look a certain way at all times. That being said I was still disappointed.
And before you judge me superficial it wasn’t her looks it was the fact that she felt the need to lie before we even met. I am not a complex person. I need a level of attraction to function in a relationship no matter how casual but its not the only thing. When I didn’t immediately minimize her use of 10 year old pictures by saying it’s okay she got combative. I was already out for the night and had nothing better to do so we went back and forth. Plus, I love me some banter.
She threw shade at my dating profile and I countered with “at least its honest.” She fired back with some crap about not getting any matches using current pictures and dudes being shallow to which I countered by asking how many people did she pick that she found unattractive or under her minimum height requirement (that is a thing that you can list as a preference for those of you who have never been through the torture that is electronic dating) Her response was something weak like “it’s not the same.” Strike two: If you’re going to give shit you need to be ready to receive.
Back and forth the evening went like that. Our bartender was a lovely gentleman and during her first trip to the bathroom he came up to me with sympathy in his voice to buy a round for one of the roughest dates he has witnessed in a while. I thanked him and took it as a win of sorts. Later he bought us some shots as well after we ordered a round ourselves. Just because I wasn’t attracted to her didn’t mean I wasn’t going to have fun. Life’s too short.
I’ll give you another little peek inside of my brain. When you are told for the last few years of a marriage (one you thought was for life btw) that you are the reason your partner is miserable… it sticks with you. My therapist thinks I’m a little over sensitive to the feelings of others ignoring my own happiness but this is the contention of a person watching from the sidelines no matter how much she has helped me. My contention is I am not interested in leaving bodies in my wake. I can try to be a good person in any situation, even tough ones, until its time to not be nice.
At one point things escalated as she made a comment about my date outfit. I am no fashion person. I buy things for comfort and if they make me laugh or at least smile that’s a bonus. I was wearing my red barbecue button up short sleeve shirt which is admittedly one size too big right now. Some shorts and laceless Chucks rounded out the ensemble. I took her shot and returned fire but in my defense we had been drinking quite a bit…
She was wearing a collection of light brown gossamer layers reminiscent of Stevie Nicks in concert. So I shot back with “What do you call your outfit? Veils of Tears or possibly Tan Storm of Sadness?” not my best work but I was so proud at the layers of insult contained. When she asked what that was supposed to mean it was strike 3.
After three hours of contentious banter and long stretches of not talking while she mentally regrouped it was time for me to go. I strategically picked a venue that I could stagger home from but she didn’t need to know that. For those thinking I am a complete asshole, well your right from a lot of angles, but I couldn’t have been that bad because I still got the invite back to her place. I respectfully declined AND went for the funeral friend hug when she leaned in for what would possibly have been the most unappealing kiss of my life.
Holy hell there are some lonely people out there in the world. This post kind of sucks so I’ll try to leave you with something better.
I was out early enough this morning to have the falls almost to myself
This is the bridge over the top and if you zoom in you can see a group of early morning adventurers following the stream to the Mississippi.
Okay that sucked as well but in my defense yesterday was spent nursing the mother of all hangovers and I was still just a bit off this morning. Everyone have a great holiday and enjoy second Saturday.