Christmas Day surprise
if you're looking for a feel good this aint it
The family tradition of heading to a movie on Christmas Day was down to two. Everyone else was otherwise engaged but the boy was still up for a traditional event. So we went to see that popular blue marathon of a thing. The movie itself wasn’t bad but we both got the feeling like the film makers almost HAD to go over three hours after a ten year gap from the first to the second. Luckily CGI actors don’t really age unless you want them to so there was that…
Being more than three hours long and given my penchant for giant Diet Cokes and popcorn the odds were good that I would need a break at some point. I was getting bored and needed to stand up about half way through (plus we were learning about the magical interconnected underwater world and I got the gist right away) so I strolled down to the facilities. This was a multi theater affair so the showtimes are scheduled by the movie version of an air traffic controller. This means that at any given time the restrooms are busy.
By the time I got in the urinal line I really did have to go so I pulled in to the next available stall and began to do my business. Nothing really to look at so eventually my gaze landed on the urinal itself and what I saw caused me to gasp. This drew looks from pissers to my left and right so I had to act casual lest they think I had a medical condition or was taking a peek at their junk.
What I saw was a collection of hair that could only be explained by grooming. There was so much public hair that it looked like the toilet had just passed puberty. My mind was reeling. What in the hell happened? Did someone have some sort of disease that caused spontaneous concentrated hair loss and was I now in danger of catching it? Did a movie date seem like it was going better than expected and a dude realized he needed to trim the forest before heading out for the rest of the evening? (by the way that was my son’s theory and I felt compelled to include it and asked it he carried grooming equipment at all times. the answer was no) so. many. questions…
I finished up and zipped up but didn’t immediately back out of the area as I didn’t want to leave the impression that it was my pubic toupee left behind. I found the perfect exit window and went to the far side to wash my hands so a later dude pulling up to that receptacle and glancing around for suspects would think me one of the psychopaths that use the shitter during a film. Better to get lumped in with those miscreants than thought of as the guy with the nervous condition that requires him to yank out clumps of hair while peeing like a medieval religious zealot having impure thoughts.
I have no answers for you and certainly no pictures. Taking out a camera of any kind in a public restroom violates international laws and treaties. I should also tell you that I started to write this yesterday but stopped because it felt too close to the holiday. Weird for me but so is this entire thing. I hope everyone had a good time over the weekend.