Work is a swirling mass of constant change right now and the only reason I'm writing that is to help explain my current mental state. In my almost one year here a lot has changed and there is more to come. This is especially problematic for my brain as it wants to do all the things at once. This puts me in a weird problem solving mode. I think the old grey matter just likes the thought of accomplishments amidst all this uncertainty but sometimes it can be a bit off-putting especially when it comes unsolicited. That horribly constructed sentence basically means that I solve problems that are none of my concern and I need to shut that shit down. case in point...
Last night I was out for a walk because it was Vacation Eve and drinking would not have been an intelligent activity. I happened upon one of my regulars begging at one of her normal corners. We found ourselves waiting for the light to change. Me wanting to cross the street, she wanting another group of cars to be trapped by a red light so she should do her thing. My brain was racing elsewhere when I heard her say "can you help me?"
Why YES I CAN. Are you looking to get into a shelter or a program? I could look up the number for a local shelter or I'm pretty sure I just read about a new outreach program. I also know they opened a new homeless tiny house village thing that I'm sure you could get in OR would you like me to help finding your family? I'm pretty sure I had about ten more helpful statements before she snapped me back to reality "I'll suck your dick."
Holy Hell. She wanted $20 to get some crack kind of help and I shifted into life change mode. That was downright embarrassing which is a hard state to achieve in front of someone whose life is reduced to an endless cycle of do whatever you have to to get money for drugs, do said same drugs, enjoy the high until it ends, repeat. I apologized and politely declined the expert oral gratification. (expertise is assumed by the fact that doing something enough ultimately leads to some level of excellence) I did let her know that next time I would try to remember to put $5 in my pocket before walking and there would be no strings (I said string but she didn't get it...) attached.
I've got to calm down. Luckily this is the annual trip where my friends and I get together and make poor choices AKA my favorite weekend of the year. I'm heading out in a couple hours and am writing this to kill time. A large contingent is golfing this morning but its 4 hours away so me going would have required a 4:00am alarm followed by the drive which didn't seem like a recipe for an enjoyable game.