beer fears writing edition
I woke up with the vague recollection of a great evening. Then I looked at my phone and read an unremembered text exchange with a great friend that happened to be about posting last night. That caused a wave of WHAT THE HELL WAS I WRITING ABOUT IN THAT BAR? followed by an internal protective instinct to pretend it didn’t happen. The pisser with this new format is it goes out in an email (I know you know this because you are reading one right now but stick with me) so there is no way for me to go in later and edit or delete something I don’t like. In my own censorship defense I didn’t do that much when this nonsense was an actual web page log thing.
Well there was one time when I accused my parents of having a special needs sibling hidden away somewhere as the only explanation why my mother treated us the way she did especially regarding instructions. This triggered her uncontrollable sobbing which begat my Dad getting me on the phone with a rare demand to take something down. Well played getting Pop pissed enough to act on my stupid hobby Mom. I took it down but in my defense the directors cut of that post was pretty funny. This is the reason only the most trusted members of my family know about this nonsense.
Anyway, the text that made me laugh and have regrets all at the same time was my reply to a compliment about the post that for all I knew this morning might have been facetious:
I’m hammered. Old guys drank me silly. Fuck scooters.
I also completely blocked out my renting of the electrified death machine. That was poor decision making on my part. I rented one just outside the establishment as the walk home seemed daunting and Uber wait times around here are infuriating. I got about halfway home as far as I remember before wiping out on a misjudged curb. I had the good sense, or more likely luck, to fall into the muddy grass which explained my sore wrist and shoulder as well as the condition of my knees.
Further investigation proved that I did make an attempt at cleaning myself up but at some point the muddy washcloth I found on the bathroom floor was just repainting myself with filth. The cloth, the towel that was somehow involved, my bedding, as well as my outfit all went into the wash first thing. I had to wash it all twice due to some unforeseen twisting in the machine but everything is fine now save this hangover. And speaking of hungover…
I completely forgot that I had promised a friend that we would go walking early this morning. No sooner had I started load one and then cleaned myself of debris in the shower than the the On my way text came through. If you say you’re going to do something you do it and my poor decision making should not impede plans previously agreed upon. I survived and am currently huddled inside hiding from the heat.
*authors note: I fully intended on posting this earlier just after writing but passed out on the couch for some restorative sleep. When I awoke I found that no further progress had been made in my daily activities except I drank most of the life giving Polar Pop I secured post walk. For those keeping score at home this is not Diet Coke which should be obvious by the electric yellow coloration. Since I don’t love the taste I grab a Diet Mountain Dew when I need caffeine. And don’t come at me Diet Dew people I would just prefer a Diet Coke with my hangover thank you very much.
It might be time for second nap…