Apologies in advance as I might get a bit sweary and swerve all over the road with this post. It has been a long strange day and I started drinking about an hour ago. Lets see, where to begin... I'll start with last night because I knew that today was coming. You see, even though I've been living in Minnesota for the last four months or so, today was the last official day of my marriage. Four months shy of its 32nd year and it was scheduled to end with a Zoom call.
Yup, a muthafuckin zoom call.
So I slept like shit for a lot of reasons only my subconscious could explain. My dreams were a contributing factor. The bits I remember involved me missing the proceedings altogether and another one where I started dating again and it was an enormous dreamt mistake. After lying awake from 3:30-4:00am I gave up and got up. I read for an hour with the wild hope that it might put me back to sleep but no such luck. Then I decided to work on a project I shoved in a drawer two months ago and forgot about. So around six I officially began my day. Took care of all of the usual business and was completely done including breakfast by 7:15. Shitty, because I still had more that 2 hours to kill.
Jumped on some work and tried to answer emails but my brain was mush. I don't care who you are taking a loss this big is going to mess with your head. I just wandered around in a fog and the next thing I knew my phone alarm was going off. Got all situated and logged in to be greeted by the ol' zoom waiting room. Disappointing because I thought it would be more official having to do with the judiciary and all.
The Zoom meeting itself was weird because once we got let into the room the case before us was finishing up. It kind of felt like we weren't supposed to be listening but there was no choice. Then our case was called and the fun began. This was basically a formal reading and agreeing to all of the things we hashed out six months ago but there was still some nerves and a really sad finality to the whole thing.
Plus, I felt like a giant douche because I had to keep saying the word "Yes" in answer to all of the the questions for the Zoom court reporter. Couldn't nod, couldn't say "ya" "yep" "uh huh" etc. And because she looked to be 100 years old I found myself loudly enunciating which most likely made me appear insane. Everything was moving at a pretty good clip until the point where I had to hold back the emotions that were threatening to roll over me. Nothing confirms crazy like a giant bald crying man.
I managed to avoid even a catch in my voice but I have not been right all day. I know that Ill be better by tomorrow but right bow it still stings. I just realized I mentioned an early morning project and didn't say what it was. I will now use the picture thousand words thing.
