back in the training saddle

like riding a bike

I got to go back on the road this week and facilitate a class for the first time in a long time. I do segments here and there plus my work life is all about the training team but doing the job is all about reps. So I got myself a little twisted up the night before day one. I was an overthinking machine and had almost convinced myself that it was going to be a dumpster fire before it began.

Once it was time to start it washed over me like an old familiar friend’s presence and we were off. It was a great class and I got some solid feedback but more importantly I got to do something I love. Once the rhythm started I even got to relax a bit and have fun. I successfully resisted the urge to look at emails during the day as getting pissed is no way to be in front of a room. This time was a little different as we went down a rabbit hole on managing emotions at work and I had someone who didn’t believe that attitude was a choice.

For no reason I can think of now in hindsight I decided to get weird and share some personal details with the class. I told them that the wheels were coming off of my life for more than two years prior to my actual divorce but no participant in any of my classes knew anything was happening BY CHOICE. That’s because every morning I told myself that no matter what was going on in my personal life my company was paying me for my best shot every single day and the people I was training deserved just that, my best. I told them as a real life illustration but I’ve never been that vulnerable in front of a room filled with strangers… and I immediately regretted the act.

I was twisted up because there is a very big part of me that thinks it’s weak to complain about something so common as divorce. There is so much worse that life can throw at you and it happens statistically to half of the people who try. I was also lucky to have like 26-27 good years out of the 31 total. Not bad stats. I write this because there is still a part of my asshole brain telling me that I screwed up. I know its not true but I also know that I won’t be “sharing’ anytime in the near future.

Anyway, while at this venue I kept walking by a certain hallway where our breaks were located and getting a really weird feeling. I couldn’t explain it.

Some of my sharper eyed readers might have picked up the danger that my lizard brain was attempting to warn me about.

Yup, that aint right. And besides, that is shit salon advertising in my inexpert opinion. I’ve got to go, some of my neighbors are yelling at each other and I need to stand at the rail and eavesdrop/Gladys Kravitz this situation. I just heard my next door neighbor head out so she can catch me up.