I went to the skin doctor yesterday for the first time since I was 13 years old and in one of those weird life is a series of circles moments it was in the exact same building. I have never had one of the full body scan exams so I guess I’m behind the curve on that one but the only reason I went was this spot near my clavicle turned a darker shade of annoying.
I had no idea that the evil Asian (I mention this not because I’m racist but because I might have discovered a slight kink involving attractive professional woman of that persuasion who are mean to me. One more thing for the pile…) doctor would cut a chunk of the fucker out on the spot. I guess I thought followups would be scheduled and time to prepare would be available but I left with three stitches and a bad attitude.
She also had a lot to say about my bald head even freezing some precancerous spots with an evil can of liquid nitrogen. Instant concentrated freezer burns sting like a motherfucker and they are turning all kinds of colors as the skin cells she assassinated slowly flake off. There was even some shit talking about my skull shaving routine and suggestions of changing that up as the razors irritate potential trouble spots.
For fuck sake what am I supposed to do now grow my hair out like Gallagher?
Okay, that seems extreme. I could go with something more sophisticated like Mel Cooley…
I guess I don’t have to put too much thought into it and just grow it out until I can no longer stand the image looking back at me in the mirror. The scariest part is I really enjoy making myself laugh so I will make no promises as to my final look. I might just turn myself into the douchey hat guy. If I’m going that route it will have to be something that makes me smile right away. First thing that comes to mind is a little bowler hat like Mr. French from Family Affair…
I could rock that entire outfit minus the Mrs. Beasley doll. So many choices…